Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
