Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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