saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize