I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
