is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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