Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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