doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
