I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
being pregnant is like rehab
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
