Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
