The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
