So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize