I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
