That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
