my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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