Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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