I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
