he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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