wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
