i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
