she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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