Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
