She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
