How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize