lets start a swedish sibling band together
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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