I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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