You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thus making me awesome and them whores
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize