Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
