at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
