Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
