dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
