put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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