I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
