Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
