Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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