Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
