Im at strip club and am horny
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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