chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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