I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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