dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
