How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nicole vs. Life
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
