If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
