Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
