i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
