Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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