Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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