you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
