I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
