The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
