The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
