I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
