so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have aggressive nipples.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
