i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
