i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
