Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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