i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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