All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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