I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
