And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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