smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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