My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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