I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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