I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
