you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
