you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
