he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
