found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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