Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
