did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
