It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are two peas in an std pod
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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