Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
